Trade It in for Twinkies: Seinfeld, Season 6

The Review

What does Seinfeld do best? It examines the ways we can protect egos. Think about it: Whenever the fragile human body is at risk, governments and manufacturers spell out the rules. They tell us, for example, to buckle our seat belts; with certain products, we must avoid contact with eyes, refrigerate after opening, and use in a well-ventilated area.

We say the ego can be "bruised," but we mean this metaphorically, for an intangible can suffer no physical harm. Egos cannot, say, slip on icy sidewalks. As a result, no one posts guidelines to protect our inner selves, and people are left to wonder, "Did I just hurt that guy's feelings, or should I be the one to take offense?" Luckily, the writers and cast of Seinfeld explore the rules that even Miss Manners doesn't address, such as how long to date someone after a night of disappointing sex. Season 6 continues this tradition.

Why are we so ignorant about protecting the ego? Seinfeld shows that interacting with our fellow humans is like crossing state lines. Just as an activity might be legal in Massachusetts but outlawed in Georgia, one character will find an opinion or action tolerable while another does not. And when belief systems collide, egos get damaged.

For example, Elaine [Julia Louis-Dreyfus] requires people, especially boyfriends, to mirror her views. In "The Couch," she meets a handsome, unpretentious furniture mover but then breaks up with him because he doesn't share her stance on abortion. Her ego cannot risk constant impact with a different conviction. And in "The Face Painter," she almost abandons Puddy [Patrick Warburton], another great male, because in preparation for a hockey playoff game, he dresses as the devil. To date Elaine, Puddy must endure her irrational requirements, like not painting his face. Angering Elaine with beliefs different from her own can be an unpleasant experience, as restaurateur Poppie [Reni Santoni] discovers when Elaine harangues him so badly over his pro-life opinions that he ends up in the hospital.

Sometimes the Seinfeld characters know the appropriate behavior, but like reckless drivers ignoring the speed limit, they break the rules anyway, hoping their egos will survive the crash. In "The Gymnast," George [Jason Alexander] spies a nearly pristine éclair in the garbage. The trashcan lid might not warn, "Do not consume contents," but George still knows that he shouldn't eat what's inside. When his girlfriend's mother steps into the kitchen and observes his bad behavior, her gasp is just as panic inducing as the lights of a police cruiser in the rear-view mirror.

Getting caught eating garbage deflates George's ego. He looks bad not only to this witness but also to anyone who hears the story, so he tries to rationalize what he's done. He explains to Jerry that the eclair was "above the rim" and "still had the doily," but Jerry—as unsympathetic as a highway patrolman—considers these explanations as lame as "I was just flowing with the traffic." He tickets George with his disapproval. [And the audience's egos feel good, for even if we ate an unhealthy dessert that day, at least ours didn't come from the trash.]

Time and time again, Seinfeld demonstrates that loss of status can crumple an ego like a distracted driver T-boning another vehicle. One guarantee of status is treating other people with such respect that everyone observing the behavior thinks highly of the well-mannered character. In "The Jimmy," Elaine dates a man after a misunderstanding about his name, not because she finds him interesting or attractive. Likewise, in "The Soup," Jerry agrees to take the annoying Bania [Steve Hytner] to dinner as a thank-you for an Armani suit, not because he enjoys the company of his fellow comedian.

On the other hand, when someone points out impolite behavior, the character loses status and scrambles to minimize the damage to his ego. In "The Couch," Kramer [Michael Richards] notes that Jerry should have offered the deliverymen a cold drink. Since furniture movers do not have "Please hydrate" stamped on their coveralls, Jerry obsesses over the unintended offense. He doesn't want either his friend or the deliverymen to think less of him.

An even more interesting loss of status occurs in "The Big Salad." George hopes to acquire a little ego boost by treating Elaine to lunch. At the coffee shop, George's girlfriend Julie [Michelle Forbes] grabs the to-go package and then hands it off without noting who had made the actual purchase. When George later tries to get credit, Elaine cannot understand why he needs her thanks, and when Julie learns that George made a big deal about the salad, she is so annoyed that she walks out of his life. But George has hit on a heretofore unarticulated truth: the person who delivers the gift, not the person generous enough to have paid, gets the undeserved glory.

Why does neither woman understand George's desire for acknowledgement? Both are attractive, and the many admiring glances they get each day reinforce their egos. Elaine draws attention for being cute and flirty; Julie is big-city beautiful, her confidence and sophistication more smartly coordinated than her clothes. George, on the other hand, is short, pudgy, and bald. He needs acknowledgement for that salad because no one is eyeing his physical appearance with appreciation. So give the poor boy a break, girls, and pump him up a little! If his ego psi drops below 6 percent, he could blow like an underinflated tire.

In matters of physical harm, the judicial system will not entertain ignorance of the law as an excuse, for it has collected codes and rules in accessible books. But when intangible egos are at stake, we do not have a set of legally-binding documents that tell us how to behave. Are we wrong to re-gift or even de-gift? Must we kiss hello? When is it okay to date the girlfriend's roommate? Season 6 addresses these and other potentially ego-damaging situations to help educate us all.